Genuine Hype

I have been shoveling snow for many moons, when I was much younger we used to walk the neighborhood looking for extra cash and would spend all day digging people out. This of course, was a pre Pong era when you would leave in the morning and be home by dinner. Fast forward 30 years.

Truth be told I like shoveling snow, I consider it my outdoor workout, or Nautilus for free if the snow’s really wet and heavy. My commune with mother nature, the deep inhale of crisp, clean winter air, being one with the snow.

Admittedly, when my neighbor Brad purchased his snow blower a couple of years ago, I was intrigued.  Brad would fire up his beast, spewing unspent hydrocarbons into my pristine N.E. air, buzzing and blaring like a Harley soft tail on a tear.

Twenty minutes later he would be inside again all warm and toasty and I would first be getting to the walkway having just finished the driveway.  Occasionally Brad would swing through and do the walk for me in an act of pity plowing or just good neighborly relations. Always appreciated and sometimes a serious time saver.

Here’s the thing though, in my twenties I had a Norelco electric shaver for a while (triple head) and never found satisfaction in the feeling of cleanliness or closeness the electric shave had versus the razor, warm shaving cream and great care not to cut myself would render.  Since then I have graduated to a triple blade and use a glycerin beard softener.

Why am I talking shaving and snow blower’s in the same breath? This year I have used Brads snow blower several times and my driveway/walkway has always had remnant snow. A film if you will. The same kinda feeling/look electric shavers left on my face.

Not totally cleaned up but adequate. The snow blower just does not do as good a job as the manual efforts hand shoveling produce.  Good old fashioned hand to asphalt combat provides a much closer and cleaner finished product.

So, today when I went out to clean up after mother natures 8 inches of purity, I went with the shovel, weapon of choice. I huffed and I puffed and the kids kept getting snow on the driveway but after all was said and done, I have a marvelously clean and tightly paved path for autos and pedestrians alike to pass without impunity.  Sometimes there are no substitutes or shortcuts.  I still love winter and shoveling and I guess I  will always stick with a razor for shaving too.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started
=================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started

=================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive… so, I took her to a gas station…

And then the fight started….
======================

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair.

She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and
she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.

She said, ‘you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.’

And then the fight started…

========================

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she
took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

=========================

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car… You know how sometimes you just get
soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT
HAPPY!’

So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started…

I’m against the  $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I’m in favor of giving  $85,000,000,000 to  America in a We Deserve It  Dividend.

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are  200,000,000  bonfide  U.S. Citizens 18+. Our  population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So  200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults

18 and up..

So  divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that  equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,0 0 0 to every person  18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax  free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has  to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to  Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has 297,500.00 in  their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What  would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family? Pay  off your mortgage – housing crisis solved. Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads Put away money for college – it’ll be there Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car -  create jobs

Invest in the market – capital drives growth

Pay  for your parent’s medical  – health care  improves

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” )  economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.  If we’re going to do an $85 billion  bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG -  liquidate it.

Sell off its parts.

Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the  private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here’s  my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.  Sure it’s a crazy  idea that can “never work.” But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast  Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC .

And remember, The Family plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my  chest.

Kindest personal regards,

A Creative Guy & Citizen  of the Republic !